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I Forbid You to Say These Things at My Funeral

– by Tim Challies
 
YouTube told me I ought to watch a clip from a recent episode of America’s Got Talent. After all, who doesn’t like to see some unknown person make it or blow it on the big stage? In this case the young man did a tremendous job of imitating Frank Sinatra and, of course, received thunderous applause for his effort. When the cheering had subsided he was told by the judges that his dear grandmother must be looking down from heaven aglow with pride. Somehow that kind of clichéd syrupy sentimentality is just what people want to hear in those moments. It got me thinking about some of the absurd statements I’ve heard over the years, and especially the ones I’ve heard at funerals. Here are a few things I sincerely hope no one will say about me at my funeral or any time thereafter. In fact, I hereby forbid it.

He is looking down on you. The Bible gives us little reason to believe that the dead keep an eye on the living. And, frankly, I rather hope they don’t. When I am dead I will finally, blessedly be more alive than I’ve ever been because I will be free of sin and its consequences. I can’t help but think that the very last thing I’d want is to look down (or up or sideways or whatever direction earth is in relation to heaven) and have to witness more of sin and its effects. I love you all plenty, but I don’t particularly want to kick off forever by watching you sin. Not only that, but there’s no earthly or heavenly reason you’d want or need me to. Surely you aren’t indicating that God’s watchful eye is insufficient and that it somehow needs to be supplemented by mine, are you? No, I’m not looking at you. I’m looking at Jesus as he’s looking after you. You’ll be fine.

He’s with the angels now. This one gets me. Listen, I’m eager to meet some angels and to learn what they are all about. I’m especially eager to meet the angel who comforted Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane. What I wouldn’t give to know what words he spoke in that moment! But here’s the thing: When I die I won’t be with the angels. I’ll be with Jesus. To say I’m with the angels is like watching a man walk into Buckingham Palace and saying, “He’s with the queen’s secretary now.” While that is strictly true, it’s also completely missing the point. He’s with the queen! And when I’m no longer with you, I’ll be with the king.

God needed another angel. Please don’t say this. Please don’t say this because if you know me you know that I’m no angel. But even more, don’t say this because it completely misrepresents both men and angels as if human beings aspire to evolve or transform into some kind of supernatural being. Angels and humans are completely different orders of being! Iguanas don’t die and become giraffes and men don’t die and become angels. I’m a human being now and will be a human being for the rest of eternity.

He was a good man. He is now, but he wasn’t always. He is good now that he’s in that place where he has been perfected by an instantaneous act of God. He is good now that God has transformed him to take away all desire for ungodliness and unholiness. He’s good now, but he wasn’t on this side of the grave. Frankly, he could be kind of a jerk at times. He could be moody and arrogant and self-centered. He was bad. But he was also forgiven and battling to kill his love of sin and desire for sin. He was learning and growing and displaying God’s grace. But he wasn’t good. Not like he is now. Not like God had created him to be.

He wouldn’t want you to cry. Go ahead and cry. You don’t need to cry for me, of course. But I wouldn’t tell you not to cry at all. Every funeral is an opportunity to consider the harsh reality of human mortality and the treasonous acts that made this mortality inevitable. There is no virtue in a stiff upper lip. There is no virtue in suppressing grief. There is no virtue in thinking that the joy of one man entering heaven ought to dispel the grief of those who are left behind. Funerals are a perfectly appropriate time to mourn—to mourn for the one who died, to mourn for others you miss, to mourn your own mortality, and to mourn the One who died so we could live.

We’re not having a funeral; we’re having a celebration. Why pit the two against one another as if only one can be true? We are having a funeral and it is a genuinely sad occasion. Yet we do not, can not, must not mourn as those who have no hope. A Christian funeral marks both a departure and an arrival; it provides an occasion for both grief and joy. As the poet says, “One short sleep past we wake eternally, and death shall be no more.” A sunset brings cold darkness but also the warm hope of dawn. Death brings the end of a very short life and the beginning of a never-ceasing one. It’s as wrong to refuse to mourn as it is to mourn without hope.

 



Sunday Prayer – Our Refuge and Strength

 

Father God-

We are surrounded with issues each moment and day of our lives. “Will we be able to pay the bills without going further in debt? Will our health challenge be resolved soon or ever? Will we or those we love make Godly decisions? Will international concerns be settled?” These life matters (and many others) cause us to really worry and fret. Yet… we need to stop and look to You. You are our refuge and strength. You are an ever-present help in trouble. Not our calculated accomplishments. Not our keen wisdom. Your word doesn’t say that You will help if we get into a strong refuge. It tells us You are that refuge. Because You are our Father, our God, You are right now our refuge.  

Father, raise up our strength in You since You are with us, even the worst thing that happens to us—death—only makes You infinitely happier and makes You infinitely greater. We say this because Your Son writhed on a tree, making himself nothing until he breathed no more… Up from the grave he arose and You highly exalted Him and bestowed on him the name above every other name.  For from Your Son and through Your Son and to Your Son are all things. To Him we are in as our refuge and to Him be glory forever. Amen.



Pastor Jim’s Thankful Prayer for Elliott

“Give ear, O my people, to my teaching; incline your ears to the words of my mouth! I will open my mouth in a parable; I will utter dark sayings from of old, things that we have heard and known, that our fathers have told us. We will not hide them from their children, but tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the Lord, and his might, and the wonders that he has done… so they should set their hope in God.”

  –Psalm 78:1-4,7

Father-

You have breathed the breath of life into Elliott James Riesner. He is here among us. We praise You for he is fearfully and wonderfully made. We behold Your glorious deeds. You who spoke the universe into being, You started and now sustain the life of this handsome young boy. What might and love You have for this family! You have designed the Riesner house to display Your greatness and have lavished joy upon them. For You have done great things.

And, as they rise for each day, awaken their memories to Your steadfast love… so they are overwhelmingly compelled, delighted and established in their hope in You. May Ryan and Cheyenne take a mental snapshot often in the months ahead, of Your goodness and respond with stunning thankfulness and say, “Father, it just doesn’t get any better! You are so good to us!”

Remind the church family to pray for them regularly, step forward to be of help, and demonstrate their hope in You, so this family of four is heartened and cheered.

And, in all these things we trust the day to day issues of home-life to Your steady hand. In the name of Your Son… in the name of Jesus we pray.

Amen.